We have located the enemy. We tracked them down by following the posters they had been wheatpasting aroud town. Examples:
And to think they are befouling the name of the Walker Institute of Art when its clear that the Walker is allied with the forces of democracy and just aesthetics that we are bringing to Minneapolis!
Tomorrow we will ambush their secret meeting, and we will see whose forces are greater!!
We arrived at the Fragassi homestead quite late into the night, exhausted after a full day of driving and were overcome by our warm welcome. The kids were wide awake and ran outside to meet us in their pjs. Mugsy, the terrier, barked up a storm as we carried our baggage into the house. Drinks were poured and dinner was warmed; we ate and drank heartily, glad to be sitting amongst family and friends after all our time on the road.
Our hosts had much to say about where we were headed, and we talked well into the early hours. It seems hat the natives have been warned of our approach, and have been staging protests and mustering forces for the past few months. (Evidence)
It seems that we will have our work cut out for us, but knowledge is gold. We can prepare our hearts and minds for what lays ahead, and anticipate a prepared enemy defending his home for what he naively believes is right. And tonite we must rest as we still have a day’s journey ahead of us.
Tomorrow we set foot upon the soil of Minneapolis.
The van gave us quite a fright today. While we were refueling at an oasis, Jenn in her practical way decided to check the fluids — and good thing too because nary a drop of oil was left to be found in the tank!! Oh friends, I don’t know how long we had been driving ungreased, but we quickly bought a litre and poured it down that funnel. We thought we had averted danger once we had slaked the thirst of the mighty beast, and continued on. But that was not to be the end of our woes for the day. The engine light, the guiding star of many a seasoned traveler, kept pulsing on and off, driving us to near terror. Were we due for an engine failure? When consulted, the manual was inconclusive. The light, apparently, might behave erratically under certain conditions, and depending on the tilt of the vehicle in relation to the rotation of the earth. Not having an astrolabe at hand, we were left without a guide to correct action, and drove on in the hope that our dear outsized auto would see us through to our destination. Maybe in Minneapolis we will be able to track down an auto-astro nomer to forecast the mood of the minivan.
Dear Friends,
The journey has taken its toll. We lost one of members, beloved Ernest, to a devastating mastadon attack perpetrated by the godless natives of the Midwest. It happened thusly. We were resting in the shade of the great white oak, snacking on some provisions and ruminating on what lay ahead of us. We didn’t see it coming. Ernest was out, fearlessly scouting our trail when we heard a strange rumbling. A dust cloud rose up, obscuring our view. By the time we heard his screams and ran to where he was, it was too late. the mastadons had wreaked their havoc. Trained by the native militia of minneapolis, they had tossed him between their tusks, as if he were a mouse, or a small mammal of some sort. All that was left intact was his beloved sharpie pen, and his leg.
In his last moments, he composed a text message and send it out as the ivory sank through his flesh. He wrote:
i dont want u 2 die for ur country. i want u 2 make d other bastard die for his! - patton
His last words were to spur us on and onward we will go! In his memory, we shall conquer these heathens and bring light to the dark lands. Ernest, we will forever hold you dear in our hearts, and remember you always as our fearless scout, going forth into unknown lands and dark hallways.
We will make the other bastards die!!!
Yours truly,
V
Dear Friends,
It is almost time for us to leave our beloved city, and go west to find new land to sustain and nourish our growing numbers. We have been preparing, and hope we are ready to meet the struggles that lay before us. The coming weeks will not be easy. The late summer days will be long and hot. But our hope in finding affordable housing will keep us to our task.
The Chevy Astro is old and nearing the end of its long and arduous life. We hope she will see us through this important journey, and that we will return in a short time.
We have news that the lands around the fair river Mississippi are fertile and abundant, and they are our destination. The native population is rumored to be unlearned and primitive, and should be no match for our weapons.
Wish us well on our mission. Our victory means the survival of our kind.
Until we meet again.
-V.
